and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
