OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
