i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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