i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
