it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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