I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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