we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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