Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm always down for nudity.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
