Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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