Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
