my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
