Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
