like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
