Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
