I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
