You made me cry and you don't even care
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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