WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
