I need help removing her.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
only if we run a train.
done.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
