Banned from zoo.
Again?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
