He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
