she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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