I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
