R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
