dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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