she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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