big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
