I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
