His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
