what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
