I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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