i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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