Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
