Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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