what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
