my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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