Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm passing your future prison.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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