There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
