I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
