Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
