You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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