what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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