i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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