She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
