I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
