just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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