remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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