The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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