She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
