On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
