i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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