Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
