Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
