I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
