Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
